Feel the Pain

How would you know if its just about time to give up? I am caught between giving up or holding on to whatever is it that my sanity could still and would still be able to handle.

I probably have said things, complain as if I am the most oppressed person in the world, and cry over the tiniest and non sense issues. I know for a fact that as of this moment, I am no one’s dream girl – but when I love I give it all I got, I trust completely, and love faithfully. If that does not satisfy you or atleast fill in my imperfections or flaws, I dont know what else could.

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What a Rough Way to Start my Week

Oh Mondays! People normally hate Mondays because its a start of another long work week. I hate Mondays – because it means that I have four more days away from home, away from my cozy bed, and away from my family. So it means, that I have to wash dishes, cook for myself, and sleep on a very thin mattress.

I cried twice today. Maybe because I was just too tired – physically and emotionally. I went to the place I am renting here in Muntinlupa to drop off my stuff. I live in QC and work in Alabang. So I have two long and tiring hours of travel time – which is pretty exhausting for me. I cried because I was just so tired.

Before I left the house, my dad talked to me that he had to undergo some operation I think, but that isn’t sure yet, maybe after they do some tests over his condition. Its the first time I saw him that scared – and that made me feel scared too. Earlier this morning, my elder sister was having a hard time to breathe. She was crying – again. Last night, before she fell asleep, she was crying because of her respiratory problems. It’s quite hard seeing your loved ones suffer physically – and there’s nothing you could do but watch them and just be there.

So I bid my dad goodbye and told him I have to go. As I left our place, you could just imagine how heartbreaking it is for me – as a daughter and a sister.

So I went to the office – and tried to be the most positive person I know. Some days just make you feel the blues. After that, I found out that one of my closest friends would go to Malaysia, and that made me cry for the second time today. Maybe it was just too much from what I can handle.

I was riding a bus on my way here in Alabang when I remembered one of my dearest college friend’s story. In college, when you encounter problems you had always thought that are big, when they’re not, you pray and tell the Lord all your heartaches. She told me, she used to ask God na “Lord, wag naman po sabay sabay.”

Now, when I look back, I realized that it should not be the way on how we address this issue to the Lord. A while ago, I bow down my head and thank the Lord for letting me enjoy everything that I had experience, and for giving me much more than what I deserved, and ask him to help me to surpass the lowest points of my life.

I believe that the Lord knows what He is doing, and He will not give everything all at once, or give anything that He knows we can not handle. Thank you Lord for everything! No doubt, you are the best.